Duhkha - Suffering as Opportunity

"The very difficulties you have are what truly awaken your heart."

Jack Kornfield

Duhkha (a central concept in Buddhism and Hinduism) refers to suffering, pain and unease. It can include physical pain, mental pain, grief and more. Duhkha is universal, as each of us will encounter it at some point in our lives.

When I was a teenager, my parents got divorced. It felt like my family had shattered into pieces. By the time my parents separated, most of my older siblings had grown and left home, and my parents were each trying to pick up the pieces and forge their own separate lives. I felt lost and alone.

Understandably, I experienced considerable duhkha. With time and growth, I was able to step back and understand what made this experience so painful. I now see the great gifts this suffering gave me; gifts that had been so profoundly buried by the duhkha.

Prior to my parents' divorce, I knew I loved my family, my siblings, but I took this love for granted. The deep pain of the divorce taught me how much I truly valued my family's love and support. It taught me that staying strong as a family, in whatever new form it had taken, was vital for my personal growth and ability to thrive. This suffering taught me that healthy relationships are worth the effort to work through disagreements and challenges together. The priorities I learned from this suffering helped frame much of my parenting with my own kids.

Another gift I received was empathy. During this personal suffering, my best foot was not always forward. My own struggles of that time later taught me that we don't always know what others are going through, and compassion and understanding towards others is always valuable.

The duhkha I'd experienced in adolescense ultimately gave me invaluable gifts that I treasure to this day.

After a painful experience, it can be tempting to put it behind us without reflection or to hold onto anger. That's understandable. But if we take time to reflect on what inside us caused the pain, we can better understand ourselves and turn duhkha into a chance for growth and success, allowing us to thrive and flourish.

The next time you experience duhkha, give yourself time to reflect, stay with it, then see if you can use this experience to support your own growth and awaken your own heart.